Tonight I ventured back into the place I got my start. Where this cookery adventure took off. Where I started to really love cooking. The restaurant is called Todd Jurich’s Bistro. I was a young chef full of piss and vinegar. What that means I think was I was full of energy and zest. Ready to be a Rock Star before I was ready. These were some of my most formative years of cooking. Where under the tutelage of an amazing chef I grew. My curiosity led me to cooking with goose liver and Morels. To touching Ramps for the first time. And opening boxes that smelled heavenly I suppose, not realizing that what I was about to handle one of Mother natures or Gods most perfect food creations. That of the Truffle. To touch the smoothness of and crunch of a creme brulee. The pungency of fish sauce and the magic of Parmigiano Reggiano bakes in an oven until it becomes a delicate cheese Crisp. The Blood orange chipotle glazed Muscovy Duck Breast, skin scored and seared crisp. Medium Rare and resting on a bed of smashed plantains. Yes I remember it all. Words like Ponzu, caviar, escargot, pad-Thai and Siracha before it was cool. Yes it was here. Not here but this restaurant is where cooking got me. So as I sit here alone at this bar as the dining room over flows with foodies and the well to do. 

I am grateful. Did I mention three of my favorite chefs are in the building. One, Todd Jurich taught the other two. Todd, a creative genius he was cutting edge before cutting edge was a thing. 

He was doing things and teaching things that only a young chef could dream to see and we were seeing it. We were living it, breathing it. Sweating together, stressing together all under the watchful eye of the demanding Chef Todd as we called him. I can still remember the legal size tablets of paper that had the daily specials written on it. Written in pencil. Always written in pencil. With handwriting of an artist. Because that is what he was what he is an Artist. 

Yellow Legal Paper Daily Specials circa 1997 

 As I look at the menu of chefs I used to work with. Pete Evans, who we shared countless hours in the heat of service, a quiet giant that had skills beyond his years, and Sam Mcgann who came before me and Harper Bradshaw who must have come after me. this is Todd’s menu it’s his style. Which makes sense because he taught us all. The fancy, eclectic, exotic foods I spoke of earlier, are all over this menu. I bet if I looked in the kitchen somewhere on the wall I would find a sheet of dog eared yellow paper. That gave direction to this menu. I think that is what I searched for when I came here twenty years ago. It was a couple years into my learning at Bistro 210, the name of the Restaurant back in the day. It’s was named after the street it was located on. 210 York Street in Downtown Norfolk. That young man the second chef of the three favorites that I spoke of who was also full of Piss and Vinegar. He wasn’t much younger than me but his cooking experience was Green. A perfect cooking term used to describe something not ripe not ready. But that green fellow taught me a lesson that I really appreciate. The lesson was you HAVE to chase your dreams. Let me explain. It’s all part of this story. He was young, a great personality, but a person with grand plans that others didn’t believe. He told me and all that would stop long enough to listen that he was gonna go to Chicago and cook for one of the best chefs in the country and the world. That chef that he planned to meet and work for was Charlie Trotter. I had this felllows cook books. He was big time. So some didn’t believe him. But I saw something. I saw raw passion. The passion that I see in myself now. Only he had something else. He had different priorities and that made all the difference. Don’t get me wrong, we are not the same. But we are in different ways. Let me explain again. I wanted children more than I wanted anything else. I was married and I knew what I wanted. I was a Chef but what I wanted even more was to be a dad. So that is what I did. He wanted to go to Chicago and cook with Trotter. That is what he did. He became a Rock Star Chef. The best, by working his ass off getting there. Back to the summer he entered the back door of the bistro. His passion and love for cooking made me his fan. His fan even before he was famous. I had his back because in a high stress, volatile, dangerous working environment, that is what I did. As the Sous Chef I looked after my crew. I was taught by Todd and i did my best to teach those under me. Graham, Elliot at the time, happened to be one of those. So now twenty years later I sit at this bar drinking a local beer, and I write. Here is what I know about Graham, he’s entertaining, he a family man, he’s driven and he still has that passion. All the qualities I admire in a chef. Now I want to introduce you to my third chef. He’s not cooking tonight. He put that dream on hold all those years ago. When priorities became priority. 

When cooking wasn’t worth being away from his kids, being away from his family his home. Cause he also wanted to be a Rock Star like Todd and Graham. He just wanted to do it in a different way. His passion was the same, energy same, drive same, desire same. Just different priorities. So what I have found in successful people is this. They have a purpose and a passion that they work there butts off reaching. And if the stars align, and a little luck is on their side, a few breaks here and there they succeed at reaching that. He did it four times. He succeeded four times. Now I have realized that priorities can change or adjust, or become more than one priority. That is what is happening to the third of my favorite chefs that are here tonight. He gave up cooking to raise children. Well he didn’t give up cooking he put that priority on hold. Focusing his passion and drive and desire on something else. Then something happened. He awoke. Realizing that it was time. 

The drive was too intense it had grown too big, the gift was out growing the body and it had to release. He was a Rock Star. Just a Rock Star Dad.  Not chef. But it is like riding a bicycle, when you get back on you just start pedaling. Moving forward again. I know all this about that third favorite chef because that third Chef is me. Mattdad and all my experiences and growth have led me to this. It’s time to take what I crave. That is sharing this passion for cooking. A love for Cooking that started twenty years ago with these chefs in this restaurant, doing what we all love. 

And if I could pick the career of any of them. I would pick that of the Dad, a dad of four amazing kids, that saw me at all holidays, each evening, they saw me on Fridays and Saturday’s we celebrated New Year’s Eve together. They saw a dad that loves his wife, his biggest fan, they also saw a man that never gave up on a dream. A dream that is coming more and more alive each day. Graham said “Stay the course”.  

One step at a time, you never know where life will take you…it took me back to this Bistro where I watched Rock Star Chefs and me as a Rock Star of a different flavor. I’m the Mattdad and I am grateful I get to raise kids, be a husband and Cook……Three more favorite things. So when life throws you a curve, curve with it, you never know what’s next……stay the course. 

Graham Elliot Me and Pete Evans 

The 25th anniversary dinner menu 

Todd Jurich’s Bistro 

Source: Lessons from a Sushi Samurai

I remember as a kid selling everything. Bubble Gum and Gummy Bears. Lemonade stands and football cards my entrepreneurial spirit has been running for a long time. It’s awesome to see it carrying on. AJ tuffy is selling lemonade and brownies today with her friend. But something else happened today. I learned a lesson. AGAIN. Here has been our conversation for the last few days as this sale was being planned. A little back story 

They rode their bikes up to the dollar general to buy supplies. $18.ish.  

They made signs 

Baked brownies

Made lemonade and sweet tea 

Picked out the spot 

The day 

They would have samples and sell big cups. 

So here goes the Mattdad being protective and wanting them to be successful. Gives them Advice. Something I do a little too freely. 

D-It’s gonna be hot

Aj- we have a tent 

D-you are not setting up in a spot that has much traffic

Aj-there will be walkers and bikers and cars that come by 

D-

Aj-

D-

Aj-

Back and forth until I realized this. 

She is not being stubborn or strong willed. She is being a leader. She is being a entrepreneur and I adore her for that. I am sorry I said you were stubborn……because I really like that trait in you.  It is an awesome quality. 

So today I may think that this is not going to be super successful. But I will be wrong. And life will have taught me another lesson. 

Let your kids grow. Let them chase dreams and let them fall sometimes. Just help them to fall forward.  

So y’all come on out and buy some lemonade and brownies. In between cahoon and las gaviotis. Off of country club boulevard.  

And teach this old man another lesson.  And make a difference in a little girls day. 

Thanks for reading. ​

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The Fire it is in me. 
I like to watch things burn. Not burn in a harmful or painful way. But in a passionate way. To watch the flames lick a marshmallow on a stick in the hands of a kid that can’t stop smiling and giggling as it catches fire…..in a bad way that is still good. I like fires in a fireplace on a cold evening, or a fire in a fire pit where we talk and stare. Trying to avoid the smoke that follows us around. Smoke signals inviting others to join in like my ancestors did years ago. I like to grill, over wood, and charcoal and even gas. I like the sounds of crickets and fat dripping onto the coals. I like the smell of fires, the sounds of crackling wood, the char only extreme heat can create as it caramelizes the sugars from the sweet marinade. Fire is exciting. No one wants to watch a pot of boiling water try to boil..cuz I have heard if you watch it, it won’t boil. Some of us won’t admit it but We like to watch passion burn. And cooking over fire is passionate. Think about this. Have you ever cooked a meal, that you worked really hard to prepare. I mean, thought about it days before. Wrote down notes, and looked at recipes, a meal that was important to you and your guests, your family, your friends. When the time came you cooked that meal with excitement and anxiousness double and triple checking recipes, and tasting and as it cooked you enjoyed the smells of food and laughter of your guests. Knowing that what you were creating was joy, and that should be our ultimate goal. To bring joy. As your loved ones sit around the table en”joy”ing that which you created. That is passion. That is love. That is what cooking over an open fire means to me. So when you get a chance cook with fire on fire with desire that only passion can bring……that is the secret ingredient. Please don’t just exist don’t just cook. Don’t just settle take chances and play with fire. And yes sometimes we will get burnt but we will all feel passion and that tastes incredible. Like that graham cracker stuffed with chocolate and creamy gooeyness that we as a kid enjoyed cooking before we let life teach us just to boil water. Get back to the burn.  
Cook like a Rock Star. It starts with passion. So let that burn.  

I like the idea of the moon chasing the sun. I have been thinking about this lately. I used to think they were opposites. Dark-light, Hot-Cold, Easy to look at- hurts your eyes. She is smooth as she rises taking me to bed where I dream-he is forcing me out of bed and off to work. But then I think they aren’t opposites they are twin flames the ebb and the flow. The pumping in and out. The stroking up and down. She is a reflection of him….she is sometimes cold and waits for him to warm her up. She is darkness and only sees black and white until he fills the sky with colors. He protects her and sets the stage for her appearance. She allows me to sleep so I can be rested to make a difference. 

the backstory of my tattoos. I have always been a little bit extreme I may not look it but if you look closely, really get to know me you’ll see that I’m more cutting edge then the normal middle-aged white dude. I like tattoos, Rap and Tobacca.   I can’t wait to get another and another and another but like many things in life as a parent I put off what I want to spend money on my kiddos but in five or six years the kids will have moved on and I will have given myself a giant raise. I have a tattoo on my ankle it is my fraternity letters and below it  says Honor First this is my least favorite tattoo it has absolutely no significance to me except for the fact that it was my first tattoo and I realized how much I liked getting tattoos.  The next tattoo that marked my body was a band on my arm that has my wife and kids names on it and whenever I had another kid I’d add another name. The thought that my family, my most cherished procession is always on my body.  That thought warms me.  Now the  cross tattoo. I have a very strong faith though I may not attend church all the time I was raised in a Lutheran church with my mother and a Southern Baptist church with my father and church has always been a big part of my life I get goosebumps talking about it.  And I believe unless you’re cold the only time you get goosebumps is when something that means something to you takes place or else why would you have them.  So the design of the tattoo now looking back in retrospect it would’ve just had four nails instead of all of the many nails it has but it’s nails representing the nails that went to Jesus’s feet and into his wrists and the thorn are the thorn crown that they put on his head.  My family tattoo is my favorite just because what it represents but the one that I think looks the coolest is the cross now I’m just waiting for the inspiration the right idea to come along and I’ll get my next tattoo which will probably be on my back or my left shoulder but it has to be in a place that I can hide it if needed. The business world seems to frown upon tattoos.  But when the rock star chef takes off and I’m no longer dependent on other people’s rules look out a beard and tattoos not trashy white but classy cool.  Like the dude from the voice.  Adam I can’t remember his last name……Levine. He reminds me of me I think he looks like me of course I’m older than him so I can say that. And I dig chicks with tattoos maybe it’s the naughtiness of them that you’re “not supposed” to get one. My son has been asking for a tattoo for a long time probably since he was 12 or so he’s a big-time wrestler and a lot of the older wrestlers high school boys have tattoos.  Well we decided when he turned 16 if you kept pushing the issue we would help them get it. My oldest daughter Mia also wanted a tattoo but she asked after Riley did. So we wouldn’t allow her to get a tattoo before him. Squirrel. I remember when Mia wanted to get her belly button pierced whoa.  When she first asked she asked her mother and her mother careful they came and talk to me about it.  As a conservative dad my first thought was no effing way. But then I thought she’s a great girl very respectful gets great grades does just what we ask her to do.  I thought will this cause her to be any less of a perfect kid so on her 15th birthday we took her to get her belly button pierced or mother did.  With dad’s blessing.  So legally you have to be 16 years old to get a tattoo in Virginia. So on August 28 Riley’s birthday we took Mia and Riley and they both got tattoos.  They both really thought out what they wanted that was a requirement making sure they knew that they would have this on their body for the rest of their lives. Dad learned from his fraternity tattoo that you don’t get a tattoo unless you really want it and it’s really what you want.   Mia’s was quick she wanted six blackbirds on her rib cage representing the Starcher six that’s what we call our family.  The lead bird is me the dad. Riley always a mama’s boy pick a cross with his mother’s name written on it. Also on his rib cage and by the way this is the most painful spot for a tattoo.  So they laid on the tables almost head-to-head both of them my two first kids getting ink but on their body that represented their family and I was proud.  Mia’s was done in about an hour and Riley’s took three hours. It was the most painful thing he had ever been through. But he is a tough little guy and when you really want something the challenge the pain is worth it. They both turned out beautiful and they both added to the perfection of my kids.  So that is all the tattoos we have on our body on our family. Riley and Dad have crosses and eventually of the girls will to get the blackbirds.  Having grown up in a broken home the closeness of my family is paramount and I am so grateful for that.

My oldest daughter wrote this.  it is pretty amazing.

When you find something in life that is really important to you and you have the chance to make it your job…..you are lucky.   My parents have always told us that we need to find something that we want to do and go for it.   I love to cook.  I love the excitement, I love the fast paced environment but what I love the most is that I get to create something that someone can immediately enjoy.  So I cook and I want to be a Chef.  How did I get here?  I’m not a typical seventeen year old in fact, I’m kind of a dork.  This is not a statement I make to down myself it’s actually quite the opposite.  I’m a little unfiltered and sometimes comments fly out of my mouth before I think them through which often results in laughter.  I do believe that laughter can really help you get through tough situations.  This was definitely the case when I applied for my first job at the Amber Lantern.  I was a sixteen year old, small framed girl whose only job experience was babysitting, asking a top Chef in a fine dining restaurant for a job in his kitchen.  Needless to say I went for it and we laughed.  (I got the job!)

I was born in Virginia and have lived here all my life.  I’m the oldest of four kids and I was raised in a very loving home.  Food tends to be the center of our world.  My dad was a graduate of Johnson and Whales and works for a local food distributor and mom works in a restaurant.  We are always talking about food, planning meals, cooking and feeding guests.  We make it a priority to eat together whenever possible.  It helps us connect and stay up to date on what’s going on in each other’s lives    I remember my parents taking me to restaurants as a young girl.  Now when I go to restaurants I like to “critique” and take pictures of good looking meals and “collect” menus.  I guess you could say it’s in our blood.

I tend to be the “strong-willed” one in the family.  When I want something, I work hard to get it.  I voice my opinion when I am passionate about something.  I’m competitive when need be and pay close attention to details.  I love to listen to music and dance.  I have been on a competitive dance team for the last six years.  We travel to different cities to compete.  I love practicing to help prepare for the competition, the butterflies I get once I hit the stage and the surprise on the audiences faces once they see our dance.  I have a close group of friends who I am super grateful for. I am loud and happy!

I can’t believe it!  I’m about to graduate from Grassfield High School!  What use to seem like a long journey, has gone by so quickly.  I know they say to be sure to savor every moment of High School but I’m the type of person that gets excited about starting my career.  I want to be a Chef.

I called him Shepherd.  It started out as Mr. Shepherd 30 years ago when I started to court his daughter.I once saw a talk and it was titled How to be the coolest person at your own funeral. Its him John Melvin Shepherd He is missed, he is loved because he showed love, he showed it unconditionally, the most giving man I have ever met.He defined- give and don’t expect anything in return. Married 58 years to his high school sweetheartWatched 15 seasons of survivorAte cereal with out milkCouldn’t take medicine in the pill formHad to have an extra cup of ice with his un sweet Ice tea.Well done food or im gonna send it backHe was the best dad a pair of daughters could ever ask forHe was a blessing to his grandbabiesThe man who went into the hospital on Aug 2He was in the hospital for 58 daysHe lost 70 lbs

I never know what to say when someone has a loss.  This is different its not someone this is us, our family. This didn’t just hit close to homeIt hit my home. I tell folks…im sorry for your loss im sorry for your pain and your grief and your sadness. As I look at Anita im sorry for your loss and the familyIm sorry for our loss.And as I look at my wife….my high school sweet heart my soul mate, im heart-broken for you your sadness.But Shepherd is seeing all this, because he believed in heaven, he believed in our lord Jesus Christ and he sees this.I want to tell him one thing….i got it…I will take care of Anita, I will take care of Rhonda and the family so don’t worry about that.Don’t worry about that.

Anna we call her AJ tuffy. Anna Jane was my name choice. Simple, pretty and I have always been a fan of pet names for those I love. Also I thought it was cool when a chick had a dudes name. Not sure why but I did. We would call her AJ and that name is perfect. She is the third girl the fourth of the Starcher kids. The number 6 in the Starcher 6, our 6 Squad, the baby who today turned 12 years old. At exactly 12:01 as we drove like maniacs rushing our baby who was turning blue to the hospital complex that just a month ago Rhonda had spent a total of 52ish days visiting Shepherd, AJ’s Grandpa, Rhonda’s dad and my Father n law… I was holding her hand as she struggled to breathe, fighting for life, body shaking, and wheezing I thought this. Sometimes Life is so unfair I give it sometimes because other days, most of them are awesome. But this morning I wasn’t feeling that. I knew my child was in a fight to live. As the protector of my family, the man that would always step between them and danger a fight with out hesitation. Even to the point of over protection, a helicopter dad, but I believe that has always been my purpose, to be a dad. So as I sat in the back seat a helpless feeling clouded my eyes, watching her every breath going through different scenarios in my head. What do I do if she stops breathing. Does she have a fever, it’s her birthday, how can I keep her calm knowing just minutes before as she laid on my bed, pale, lips and fingers starving for blood, those parts of the body that after, I now know are left behind by the heart and brain when a body is fighting for life. It’s her birthday, right then 12:01AM, life is sometimes so unfair.  Let me back up. Asthma attack, I’m not even sure what that is. All I know is several years ago we visited this same hospital a few times to take a little girl who had the same exact symptoms, the feeling was the same I suppose for her dad and mom, our baby who then was really a baby was in trouble. We didn’t hesitate. Back then it was an occurrence that happened a few times a year, usually when she had some other sickness. A cold, or allergies something that encouraged her body to struggle catching a breath. We were always ready. Now AJ is tuff. AJ tuffy comes from being the fourth kid In a family that has been through struggles, not always having the fanciest clothes, or the newest toys, or the nice cars, don’t get me wrong we are “well off” I will discuss that later. This family has at times had to fight, But we survived and in time we have thrived, we always had a “rich” love. This brings me to AJ Tuffy, who had to fight. All of this has led to her NEGU-Never Ever Give Up attitude. To learn to take care of herself, she can do anything. We came home one day and the house that was left a mess was clean. Anna still hard at work, had cleaned it all, candles were lit, floor vacuumed, dishes washed and put away, trash out, all of it. We thanked her and asked her why she said she made her and her older brother breakfast, fried egg, bacon or pancakes something like that. And she made a mess of the kitchen so after delivering the meal to her big brother she started cleaning and my oh my can she handle things. AJ Tuffy has to battle for hers. This leads me back to that car ride…… Where another scenario played out in my brain “squirrel” I say in my head. 

Too many times I say toughen up, just sleep it off, unintentionally that is what I do for the fourth kid, the kid who isn’t always treated like the kid gloved hands of a now 12 year old. The way her siblings were treated at that age, I would have been more worried. I would have noticed this the night before. I would have not said “just go to sleep, I have work tomorrow,”. I would have taken you to the hospital and instead of a dangerous situation it would have been a quick visit and today you would have awoken in your bed, on your bday. Instead of attached to machines a needle in your arm, a breathing mask on, spending the first 9 hours of your bday in someone else’s bed having once again to show why we call you AJ Tuffy. 

But the scenario that I really hoped for was this one, she is tuff, she is a fighter and as her will to breathe to send life giving blood and oxygen is strong. I held her hand and prayed, that this was just another hiccup in life, that this was just bad timing, that in several hours we would be home and eating cake, and I promise the same promise I say right here, on your birthday. you will always be my baby and I will always, even when I’m cranky, always always love you. I can’t think of a better name to have when one is fighting than the name A J Tuffy. Anna Jane Starcher you amaze me and I’m so proud of you. y’all gave me my purpose and each year I am reminded on this day 22 of November i received a gift 12 years ago and for the next forty years or so I will do my best to hold your hand when life seems to be a little unfair to remind you that you were named AJ tuffy for a reason and when you need him, Dad will always hold your hand and will always have your back. Thank you. Dad